My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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