I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize