Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
