Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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