his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
