what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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