i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
