It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
