As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize