i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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