I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
