It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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