If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My penis needs a shock collar
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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