The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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