Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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