Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
420 ftw
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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