That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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