My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
