I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
