Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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