I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
