As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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