we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize