Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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