I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
