for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
