Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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