The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
