So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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