3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
