and you said cock pushups were impossible
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
