this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
