I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Life is so much better after having sex.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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