Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
