It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
