did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
