You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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