Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
