i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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