You made me cry and you don't even care
If that was your dad, he is hot
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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