I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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