So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
