I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
