So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
