dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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