i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
