mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
