and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
