i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sorry my hands just texted you
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
