Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
