bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
