I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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