I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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