just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
