the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
50% drunk capacity currently
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
