her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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