Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's Friday. Sex?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
