how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
They have beer where we have blood.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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