I want to have your abortion
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
