I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
