the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
