cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
