your room smells of hookers.
And success
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
