Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's never too late to be topless.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
