im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
