Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
