I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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