So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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