are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
