i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize