i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
