Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
