Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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