Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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