there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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