The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
