Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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