I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
