were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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