Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
