I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
