It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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