I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
