my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
