The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
