I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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