theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
