Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I will be naked everywhere
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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