oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
