I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize