im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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