The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
