I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
