I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
