im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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