wrigley field is MILF paradise
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
