wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
