I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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