dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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