I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
