im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
