he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
